If you are the parent of a teenager, you have probably had some version of this thought: is this normal, or should I be worried?
It is a genuinely difficult question, and you are not alone in asking it. Adolescence is, by design, a period of enormous change - neurological, hormonal, social, and emotional. Some degree of moodiness, withdrawal, risk-taking, and boundary-pushing is not just normal but developmentally appropriate. The teenage brain is under construction, and the building site is messy.
But here is the problem: because adolescence is inherently turbulent, it can be very easy to explain away genuine mental health difficulties as 'just a phase.' The moody teenager who is actually depressed. The shy child who is actually living with crippling social anxiety. The defiant adolescent whose behaviour is actually driven by overwhelming distress they cannot articulate. The 'dramatic' teenager whose emotional reactions are proportionate to their internal experience, even if they look disproportionate from the outside.
How do you tell the difference?
There is no blood test for this, but there are patterns worth paying attention to.
Duration matters
Typical adolescent mood fluctuations tend to be reactive and relatively short-lived. A teenager who is upset about a friendship issue will usually bounce back within days. A teenager who has been persistently low, anxious, or withdrawn for two weeks or more is showing something different. Two weeks is not a magic number, but it is a useful threshold: if the change in mood or behaviour has persisted for more than a fortnight, it warrants attention.
Intensity matters
Adolescents feel things intensely - that is part of being a teenager. But there is a difference between the intensity of normal developmental emotions and the intensity of clinical distress. If your teenager's emotional responses seem consistently out of proportion to the situation - if minor setbacks produce hours of despair, if small social slights lead to complete withdrawal, if everyday demands trigger rage or shutdown - that is worth exploring further.
Functional impact matters
This is perhaps the most reliable indicator. Is the change in mood or behaviour affecting their ability to function? Are they unable to attend school, maintain friendships, sleep, eat, concentrate on things they usually enjoy, or engage with family life? When a young person's distress starts to interfere with their daily functioning across multiple areas, that is a signal that what is happening goes beyond typical adolescence.
Change from baseline matters
You know your child. You know what their 'normal' looks like. When a previously sociable teenager becomes withdrawn, or a previously academic child stops caring about school, or a previously calm adolescent becomes persistently agitated, the change itself is significant, regardless of whether the new behaviour would be concerning in isolation.
Signs that warrant professional attention
Here are some specific signs that warrant professional attention rather than a wait-and-see approach. Persistent low mood, tearfulness, or irritability lasting more than two weeks. Withdrawal from friends, family, and activities they previously enjoyed. Significant changes in eating or sleeping patterns. Expressions of hopelessness, worthlessness, or self-hatred. Self-harm or talk of self-harm (always take this seriously, even if it seems attention-seeking - it is a communication of distress). Panic attacks or physical anxiety symptoms. School refusal or a sudden, unexplained drop in academic performance. Excessive worry that interferes with daily life. Significant behavioural changes - becoming secretive, aggressive, or unusually compliant.
A word on the 'attention-seeking' trap
When young people express distress in visible ways - crying, dramatic statements, self-harm, threats - there is a temptation to dismiss this as attention-seeking. I would encourage you to reframe this. A young person who is seeking attention through distress is telling you they need attention. The behaviour is the communication. Dismissing it teaches them that their distress is not valid or important, which is the opposite of helpful.
Another common trap: comparison
Your teenager's experience does not need to be as severe as someone else's to be valid. 'Other children have it worse' is not a useful framework for deciding whether your child needs support. If they are struggling, they are struggling. That is enough.
What should you do if you are concerned?
Start with a conversation, but approach it with care. Choose a low-pressure moment (not during a conflict or when they are already upset). Use open-ended observations rather than direct questions: 'I have noticed you seem quieter lately' rather than 'What is wrong with you?' Be prepared for them not to want to talk immediately. Let them know you have noticed, you care, and the door is open when they are ready.
If the conversation confirms your concerns, or if they are unable or unwilling to talk but the signs persist, the next step is professional support. Your GP is often the starting point and can refer to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) if appropriate. Private therapy is another option, particularly if waiting times for NHS services are long.
Trust your instincts
If something feels different about your child, if the worry in your gut will not go away, that is information worth acting on. You do not need to have a diagnosis or a clear understanding of what is wrong before reaching out. 'Something does not feel right and I would like to talk it through' is a perfectly sufficient reason to make that call.
Dr Victoria Froome
Integrative Psychotherapist | Dragonfly Psychotherapy
www.dragonflypsychotherapy.co.uk